Embrace the insanity of Motherhood!
I'd like to know who the hell OSHA is and why they are forcing me to carry around poopy diapers in my $300 Coach bag. What is with this? There was a sign in the bathroom of the haircut place I go to that said "Due to OSHA's work place standards, please take all dirty diapers with you and do not dispose of them here." I've also seen this plastered all over the pediatricians office. I don't understand how they can take fecal tests there but they can't empty a trash can with a dirty diaper in it.
I do know who OSHA is and I understand the rule but come on... I really have to carry dirty diapers around with me? Can't they install those neon red bins that say Hazardous BioHazard Waste just for dirty diapers? As if kids weren't gross enough already. It's bad enough changing the diaper let alone walking around with TWO of them in my bag. Yes, my son felt the need to go twice during the 15 minutes we were away from the house! UGH
I think bearing a child in my womb should entitle me to 365 days of non-cooking, breakfast in bed and not having to put the kids to bed. Its a sad, sad society in which we live that we are not treated as the highly respected women we are every day.
I do have to say, while visiting the mall the other day I did smile to myself as I watched several fathers pushing strollers with kids throwing tantrums. They were obviously shopping for Mother's Day presents and had to take the kids with them. To me that was a present in itself just watching the fathers sweating while looking at jewelry while rocking the stroller back and forth in their attempt to console the screaming 2 year old inside. I wish I had my camera and could take a picture to send to that mom. That would have been the best present she could have gotten. I would love a picture of my husband in that situation!
Happy Mother's Day to you all! Happy Non-Mother's Day Also!
Here's what I WANT:
I WANT to go to the bathroom by myself.
I WANT a maid.
I WANT to drink a beer at 2pm.
I WANT a whole nights sleep.
I WANT my kids to listen to me.
I WANT laundry to disappear.
I WANT to go to Hawaii.
I know none of these are ever going to happen but it's worth a try to put them out there. I know my kids always seem to get what they want when they yell I WANT...
Now that I've had my tantrum I feel much better.
Problem: Hunger
Toddler Girl Response: A toddler girl will whine and complain uttering the word they use for food repeatedly until someone gets annoyed enough to get them what they want.
Toddler Boy Response: A toddler boy would simply find some dirt, toy or pencil to chew on until their hunger passes.
Problem: A Boo-boo
Toddler Girl Response: A high pitched scream amongst the normal crying for added dramatic effect. The toddler girl must make sure everyone nearby can hear and feel her pain.
Toddler Boy Response: Lower the bottom lip and run directly to mommy because only she can make it better.
Problem: A toy or food up high out of reach
Toddler Girl Solution: Scream, whine, throw herself on the floor until someone gets her what she wants. She'll demand an immediate response right away.
Toddler Boy Solution: He'll crawl up onto the garbage can, up onto the counter, across the sink, and get the item himself.
Problem: A dirty diaper
Toddler Girl Response: She'll find an adult and point to her rear screaming and muttering disgustedly. She'll insist they change her at once.
Toddler Boy Response: He'll continue playing - this isn't a problem.
Problem: A broken toy
Toddler Girl Response: She'll insist daddy buys her another one immediately. She'll act as though it was the only toy in the world even if she never played with it.
Toddler Boy Response: Dismantle toy further since it's already broken.
Problem: Clean up time
Toddler Girl Solution: Girls will pretend to be asleep. If that fails, whine, move incredibly slow and make parts of her body go limp while being forced to clean.
Toddler Boy Solution: A boy will throw toys as hard as he can into appropriate boxes and bins all while wearing a little evil smile.
Of course this isn't true for every little boy and girl. I'm sure there are some overly dramatic boys and some daring little girls out there. These are just some of the strange little differences I've noticed in my own household between boys and girls.
I can feel it in there jumping up and down on my bladder laughing at the discomfort it causes. I like to picture it blinking it's eyes and nodding it's head like on "I Dream of Jeanie" and shooting waves of nausea up at me. Whatever it's doing, it's causing nausea and extreme fatigue which is totally different than my other pregnancies. This has me wondering...has this baby already figured out my weaknesses? Does it know how to overtake me already? Should I change my defense tactics for this one? Is it going to be the worst of my children?
While at the Dr., I was hoping to see a beady eyed little monster on the sonogram picture which would explain everything. Instead it was just a little grape sized blob, waving it's helpless little arm buds. It didn't look to scary but it still has me a bit scared. And the worst part is I have 30 weeks left to wonder about this kid and what it's plotting in there. At least it's good to know it will get along with it's siblings well who are also out to get me.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Who is OSHA and Why Do They Hate Me?
I'd like to know who the hell OSHA is and why they are forcing me to carry around poopy diapers in my $300 Coach bag. What is with this? There was a sign in the bathroom of the haircut place I go to that said "Due to OSHA's work place standards, please take all dirty diapers with you and do not dispose of them here." I've also seen this plastered all over the pediatricians office. I don't understand how they can take fecal tests there but they can't empty a trash can with a dirty diaper in it.
I do know who OSHA is and I understand the rule but come on... I really have to carry dirty diapers around with me? Can't they install those neon red bins that say Hazardous BioHazard Waste just for dirty diapers? As if kids weren't gross enough already. It's bad enough changing the diaper let alone walking around with TWO of them in my bag. Yes, my son felt the need to go twice during the 15 minutes we were away from the house! UGH
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Sunday, May 11, 2008
Mother's Day
Mother's Day is the one day a year when society has the right mind set. They finally understand how terrific and wonderful moms are and pay them homage as they should. I personally feel moms should be given this attention and tribute every day of the year.
I think bearing a child in my womb should entitle me to 365 days of non-cooking, breakfast in bed and not having to put the kids to bed. Its a sad, sad society in which we live that we are not treated as the highly respected women we are every day.
I do have to say, while visiting the mall the other day I did smile to myself as I watched several fathers pushing strollers with kids throwing tantrums. They were obviously shopping for Mother's Day presents and had to take the kids with them. To me that was a present in itself just watching the fathers sweating while looking at jewelry while rocking the stroller back and forth in their attempt to console the screaming 2 year old inside. I wish I had my camera and could take a picture to send to that mom. That would have been the best present she could have gotten. I would love a picture of my husband in that situation!
Happy Mother's Day to you all! Happy Non-Mother's Day Also!
2 Comments:
I totally agree, my husband would much rather do the shopping by himself. HE HE!
By 
Angela, at
May 12, 2008 10:59 AM
OK, so I am now an addict to your blog... you are witty, sarcastic, and tell it like it is. I love it!
I look forward to reading more tales from the potty while trying to nurse and ducking to avoid being sprayed by the hair spray that the 4 year old has gotten a hold of!
By Mrs.Connie K, at
May 14, 2008 2:33 PM
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
My Tantrum
I WANT! I WANT! I WANT! That's all I hear anymore. I'm so tired of it. I've been trying for the past three weeks to patiently and nicely ask my children to stop saying I WANT and to say "May I please have..." Yeah, it's not working.
Here's what I WANT:
I WANT to go to the bathroom by myself.
I WANT a maid.
I WANT to drink a beer at 2pm.
I WANT a whole nights sleep.
I WANT my kids to listen to me.
I WANT laundry to disappear.
I WANT to go to Hawaii.
I know none of these are ever going to happen but it's worth a try to put them out there. I know my kids always seem to get what they want when they yell I WANT...
Now that I've had my tantrum I feel much better.
1 Comments:
You might have to negotiate the whole "beer at 2 pm" with the child in your womb..but other than that- I totally think your husband can fix the rest :-)
By Candace, at
May 8, 2008 10:57 AM
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
The Difference Between Boys and Girls
I am lucky enough to have both a boy and a girl. I've noticed some major differences in their behaviors, especially how they resolve problems. Let me describe further.
Problem: Hunger
Toddler Girl Response: A toddler girl will whine and complain uttering the word they use for food repeatedly until someone gets annoyed enough to get them what they want.
Toddler Boy Response: A toddler boy would simply find some dirt, toy or pencil to chew on until their hunger passes.
Problem: A Boo-boo
Toddler Girl Response: A high pitched scream amongst the normal crying for added dramatic effect. The toddler girl must make sure everyone nearby can hear and feel her pain.
Toddler Boy Response: Lower the bottom lip and run directly to mommy because only she can make it better.
Problem: A toy or food up high out of reach
Toddler Girl Solution: Scream, whine, throw herself on the floor until someone gets her what she wants. She'll demand an immediate response right away.
Toddler Boy Solution: He'll crawl up onto the garbage can, up onto the counter, across the sink, and get the item himself.
Problem: A dirty diaper
Toddler Girl Response: She'll find an adult and point to her rear screaming and muttering disgustedly. She'll insist they change her at once.
Toddler Boy Response: He'll continue playing - this isn't a problem.
Problem: A broken toy
Toddler Girl Response: She'll insist daddy buys her another one immediately. She'll act as though it was the only toy in the world even if she never played with it.
Toddler Boy Response: Dismantle toy further since it's already broken.
Problem: Clean up time
Toddler Girl Solution: Girls will pretend to be asleep. If that fails, whine, move incredibly slow and make parts of her body go limp while being forced to clean.
Toddler Boy Solution: A boy will throw toys as hard as he can into appropriate boxes and bins all while wearing a little evil smile.
Of course this isn't true for every little boy and girl. I'm sure there are some overly dramatic boys and some daring little girls out there. These are just some of the strange little differences I've noticed in my own household between boys and girls.
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Tuesday, April 1, 2008
The Baby Within
Not only am I Nanny Deprived but I've become uterus deprived as well. The baby within my womb is already complaining, whining, and causing me bodily harm. Not only three months conceived and it's turning into another of my offspring, tantrums and all.
I can feel it in there jumping up and down on my bladder laughing at the discomfort it causes. I like to picture it blinking it's eyes and nodding it's head like on "I Dream of Jeanie" and shooting waves of nausea up at me. Whatever it's doing, it's causing nausea and extreme fatigue which is totally different than my other pregnancies. This has me wondering...has this baby already figured out my weaknesses? Does it know how to overtake me already? Should I change my defense tactics for this one? Is it going to be the worst of my children?
While at the Dr., I was hoping to see a beady eyed little monster on the sonogram picture which would explain everything. Instead it was just a little grape sized blob, waving it's helpless little arm buds. It didn't look to scary but it still has me a bit scared. And the worst part is I have 30 weeks left to wonder about this kid and what it's plotting in there. At least it's good to know it will get along with it's siblings well who are also out to get me.
2 Comments:
Somehow our kids know the exactly how to get us! This post is so cute, I can't wait to have a third, but this reminds me that i really can wait!
By Cakies, at
April 4, 2008 11:00 AM
You crack me up =) Keep these entries coming!
By polkadot papoose, at
April 10, 2008 6:06 PM
